Remembering my Friend
Today’s blog is a little different, more personal, and maybe even more specific than my others. I just came off of a weekend with five women whose friendships were forged and solidified through the death of my beloved friend, Jodi. These women are part of my new tribe. The five souls on Earth where I can be completely transparent with my heartache and memories of my friend. Don’t get me wrong, I have MANY other people in my life who loved Jodi too and allow me to share my feelings with them and they listen and love me through it. But, these ladies were in the trenches with me. Her sister, Cheri, and friends, Beth, Stacie, Debi, and Pam...the hours we’ve spent loving each other through it all is something I cherish beyond words.
Ours was not a regular friendship. Jodi and I weren’t cut from the exact same cloth, but we were kindred spirits. She coined the phrase around 1997 and called me KS from that day forward. She is woven into the tapestry of my life like not many others. She used to love to tell the story of when she first met me. We taught together at Pike High School here in Indianapolis and were in the mailbox room one morning. I was talking to some other teachers, most likely loudly and laughingly, and as she told it, she thought to herself, “I want to be friends with her.” And our relationship began. We were co-chairs of the social committee, organized all kinds of fun things for the staff, and just connected. I live a lot of my life in the highs and lows, and she was a lot more even-keel…my balance.
We had a lot in common with our lives. We both loved sports and played volleyball, basketball, and softball…she was just a smidge better than me, lol, lettering in three varsity sports in college! We both coached, we were teachers, we loved the same type of books and would wait outside of bookstores at midnight when another of our favorites would be released. We loved the same Black Friday shopping places and had our movie traditions. While we had a million things in common, we also had a lot of uncommon things, and I think that’s what made us work. She showed me parts of life that I hadn’t seen or known before. I loved seeing life through Jodi’s eyes.
I’ve had a hole in my heart since the day she died. Really before that when the brain tumor started taking her away little by little, I knew she was still here, so the hole was smaller. There are days now when the hole is as tiny as a pinprick, but some days the hole increases to a size that doesn’t seem unbearable. I’ve been living with a widening hole these past few months and I know the reason. I have recently finished my first chapter book written for elementary kids and her grammar-correcting, book-loving self would have been all over this process! I am beyond thankful that I’ve had Dave, Val, and a few more trusted souls, be my book people, but not being able to share it all with Jodi Kay feels sadly overwhelming at times. I’m hoping she can see it all from above.
I’ve experienced death in many facets and there is something astonishingly hard about losing Jodi. I just miss her. I want her here to share life with me still. I want to hear her advice. I want her back balancing truth and grace for me, forgiveness and accountability. I know I told her all I could while she was alive, but one more thank you is stuck in my throat. I want to thank her for being one of my friends who helped me believe in myself. I’d lost a lot of my sparkle before she got sick and she helped me have hope that I would get it back. I am a better person today for having Jodi in my life and I pray I am the type of friend to others that she was/is to me.
When I decided to stop teaching and pursue my dream of writing, it was a major life decision for me. I was blessed with so many people in my corner supporting and cheering me on. I know that Jodi would have been one of them. I know she knows that I am on the right track now and living a life filled with so many good things. I have a constant reminder of her tattooed on my arm…to which she would think I was crazy for doing I’m sure! I have the word believe written in her handwriting. It reminds me to believe in all sorts of things…myself, Jesus, miracles, love, and friendship just to name a few. If you are lucky enough to have a friend like Jodi, make sure you let them know how they changed your life for the better!
Miss you, KS.
